how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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