the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
