Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
