Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
