She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
