im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
