I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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