benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
