What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize