Screwed.edu
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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