So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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