best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
