I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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