just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he was CRYING into my vagina
either way he was missing a nipple.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
