Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
