from now on my penis is your penis
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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