so that wasnt chicken after all
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
