Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
