I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
