i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is Oprah even human
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
