I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she told me i tasted like america
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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