Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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