would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
