When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
