Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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