Im at strip club and am horny
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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