True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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