yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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