You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
