the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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