I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
