my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
