so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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