The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
