So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
