I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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