i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
