dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
