Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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