I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
