are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
