Its about making memories worth repressing
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
