You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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