I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
