I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
