Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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