new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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