Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
