I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
