well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We need to get me chipped asap
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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