M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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