I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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