bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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