$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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