just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
