So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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