I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
