conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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