I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
