What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i out mim tonsoeep
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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