whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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