WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
