She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
