I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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