She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
