I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize