Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
