I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
