i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
