we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
