Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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