My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
